It's been a while since I posted something here. I can't deny I felt a bit of pressure as if I should publish at a set pace, or something like that. I thought a few minutes on the train about this, and I came to the unsurprising conclusion that it doesn't make any sense to worry about it and I shouldn't worry about when and, most importantly, what I post here. I know, shocking.
The main question here was, what do I want this space to be?
And the answer was quite simple. A personal, relaxed space, where I can express myself without outside pressures. Sometimes I question whether using my real name was a good choice or not, and if this choice is somehow making me perceiving this space as less relaxing and secure. I do have some alternative nicknames that I use for services that I want to be disconnected from my real name (either for privacy reasons, or just for separation of concerns). In general, I consider anonymity on the web as kind of basic right.
But coming back to the issue at hand, I think the issue is only on what I perceive (which is usually the worst situation possible, lol), and not on what could actually happen. Many people have already highlighted how personal blogs, recently, have a tendency to look and read all the same and how this is part of a larger phenomenon of deterioration of the web (I'll link to one example and a connected blog post). This is usually reflected in overused templates (looking at you, quarto) and similar structures and phrasing in the about page and such. It does also get reflected in how the content is written. Many blogs pose themselves as they are speaking to an audience, and write the content as if they are educating someone. This is not inherently bad, but it feels (to me) as it puts a wall between the reader and the blogger, and I do not want that.
Language and tone are a way of connecting with whomever reads the blog, and I miss a more intimate approach to blogging. It seems as blogging has become an inherently performative action aimed at attracting readers and not at sharing personal thoughts. Again, this is not necessarily bad, but I realized it is not how I want to do it. I recently found an old blog of mine (written under a pseudonym), and I liked the "diary-like" writing style that I was using. I am not sure if I'll be able to replicate it here, but I will strive towards a more personal and less performative approach to personal writing, which in the end, is the reason why I created this blog to begin with: I wanted to write for myself and share things that I found useful and nice. I will also change the home page and maybe the about page, as I don't want to be confined in what I want to talk about.
As for my issue with using my real name here, I recently read something (that now I can't find anymore) along the lines of "it might be time that the people around us will get to know the real us", and it kind of makes sense. Hiding or downplaying our own self in "public" seems like a very bad idea, so I won't do that here. I am lucky to have people close to me in my life that remind me of the importance of being myself every day, so why not doing it here too.